Twin Loss NZ

Welcome to the web site of

Twin Loss NZ

We are a New Zealand-wide group for those who have lost one or more or all of their twins, triplets or more from early pregnancy to childhood and beyond including the loss of a twin sibling in adulthood.

We provide contact with others who have had similar experiences through our meetings, phone support and through our quarterly magazine Hearts & Wings. Knowing others are out there who have experienced this kind of loss breaks the feelings of isolation that are so commonly felt. The magazine reaches people anywhere in the country, from the big cities to the small towns where there really might be nobody else to talk with. It contains stories from readers, information on topics such as grief for couples, children, memory making ideas, poems, articles and an anniversary page where the names of our lost ones are acknowledged.

Support may be offered before the birth of the twins when it is known that one of the babies has died and the parents are faced with the unthinkable situation of carrying the survivor on to term or when one baby is not expected to survive long after birth. We have some very helpful articles for both these circumstances and can provide contact with other parents who have been through this tragedy.

Support is offered to families who have lost all of their multiple birth children or part of their set at any time during the pregnancy right through to the loss of young children or teenagers or adult twins and for any reason. While the circumstances surrounding the loss may be different, there are common feelings unique to twin loss that make being part of an understanding group helpful.

The loss of a twin sibling as a child or an adult is another unique situation. Only another lone twin knows how it feels to lose a truly lifelong companion. If you are an adult who has just lost their twin sibling then we can help support you as you learn to live life again without your twin. You are not alone, there are other lone twins who would be happy to be in touch with you if you would like.

"To lose a spouse is a tragedy, to lose a child perhaps the greatest tragedy most of us could imagine; but everyone had some identity before becoming a spouse or a parent. A twin is never anything but a twin until separation by death, and there is no way of untwinning except by death. In that the most intimate of bereavements, the surviving twin finds the foundations of his or her own identity undermined, because twinhood bestows the singular oddity of a plural identity."

Rosemary Stark, twin to Sheila.

"How can I be me, when all I've ever been is we?"

Raymond W. Brandt, twin to Robert,

founder of Twinless Twins Support Group in the USA.

For those in Auckland we hold an informal get together of parents raising a lone twin (or the survivors of higher multiples) called Angel Friends. We meet in the friendly environment of one another's homes. Lone twins and their siblings are most welcome to come along and play while we share our thoughts and feelings over a shared morning tea.

For others, we are able to connect families with others who have been through similar losses by email or phone or recommend meetings that may be available in your own area.

Making contact with Twin Loss NZ will not be intrusive into your grief. The support you receive may be as simple as receiving our quarterly magazine which you can read in the comfortable surroundings of your own home. You may like further contact at some time with others at a time that is right for you. You may want to meet together at one of our regular meetings. You may make contact soon after your loss... or you may contact us weeks, months or years later. Often we find ourselves surrounded by support in the early days, from friends and family but it is not long before this support can drift away and we are left with the feeling that we should have "got over it all by now". This of course is not the case as a loss such as this impacts us in all kinds of ways long into the future and knowing that our feelings are probably "normal" can give a sense of peace and comfort.

Finally, we would like to say how sorry we are for the loss you have suffered. Take care and please do not hesitate to contact us...

Rosemary and Jan

PS Many people email and say how helpful it was to find our website. We just want to encourage you to make to make the next step and join our mailing list for Hearts & Wings as we are so very sure you will find it even more helpful. Email us to join.

Contact:

Jan Liddell or Rosemary Smart

PO Box 51 984

Pakuranga, Manukau 2140

New Zealand

twinloss@xtra.co.nz

“For all our offerings whether music or martyrdom, are like the intrinsically worthless present of a child which a father values indeed but values only for the intention.”

CS Lewis

“When I saw my twins name on the anniversary page that first year I sat and read it over and over again… it was so good to see it there in print.”

You can also subscribe using iTunes. Go to your iTunes menu, then to Advanced, then click subscribe to podcast, then enter this URL http://home.xtra.co.nz/hosts/twinloss/podcast1.xml and it should be added to your podcast subscription list and you can listen in using iTunes and your iPod. We aren’t in their directory but this should work just as well :o)

Listen to our first podcast

& subscribe to this feed

to be updated with future editions.